Free Bird

Throughout our lives, we as humans, constantly seek freedom. Whether traveling to discover new worlds, fighting to gain equal rights for all races, or speaking out for same sex marriage, humans are always on a mission to find freedom. However, for some, we seek a different kind of freedom. Like the wife in Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s story “The Yellow Wallpaper”, we seek freedom from ourselves and from our minds. Although most are not familiar with this idea, I can easily relate to the not-so-normal hopes and aspirations of the ill-minded house wife in “The Yellow Wallpaper.” Regardless that her and I’s way of thinking may not be the most popular way, we each are in our own battle for freedom.

Possibly suffering from post-partum depression, equally suffering from the lack of sunlight, the narrator of “The Yellow Wallpaper” has a unique way of thinking about things. Her husband, a respected doctor, has diagnosed her with an illness that he believes rest will cure. Yet, little did he know that the room she would spend most of her healing process in was, in fact, the room that would eventually cause her death. This room had a “modern” look to it. The room’s genetic makeup consisted of barred windows, tattered yellow wallpaper, and a bed that was bound to the floor. But somehow, considering all of that, the narrator seemed to like the room and even went on to say, “I’m getting really fond of the room in spite of the wallpaper. Perhaps because of the wallpaper.” This statement, I believe, was Gilman’s first attempt at foreshadowing what was to come. The hours spent “resting” in the room allowed the narrator to aimlessly stare at, trace over, and analyze every corner of the walls. Ultimately, she began to see what she believed was a woman behind bars inside of the walls. After being trapped inside the parasitic room for months on end, she finally snapped and decided to “free” the woman in the walls. She locked herself inside the room and then violently stripped all of the wallpaper off. In the midst of doing so, her husband frantically tried to open the door, yet when he finally did, he passed out at the sight of his dead wife.

The average reader would analyze the story as a crazy lady who was really ill and needed to be hospitalized. However, I’m not the average reader, and my opinion differs. At one point in the story the narrator says, “Life is very much more exciting now than it used to be. You see I have something more to expect, to look forward to, to watch.” She is excited because she is intrigued by the thoughts that the wallpaper provokes. Before being kept in the room, her husband was gone frequently on “business trips”, she was treated child-like, and she often had nothing worth experiencing in her life. Now that she was able to see the things she saw in the wallpaper, her depression gave in and shed a little light of hope on her life. She had hours to spend with her thoughts, and in my opinion, she began to seek freedom from not only her lifestyle and depression, but from her thoughts as well. The yellow wallpaper began to symbolize her life. She felt like a woman, trapped behind bars, trapped in her thoughts, and trapped in her depression. However, the more she thought, the more the solution became evident to her. She decided that by ripping the wallpaper off the wall, she would free the women made of shadows behind the bars. Yet, if there is no wallpaper, there are no women. So by ripping the wallpaper off of the wall, she was killing the shadowed women, but that was the solution. Sometimes the only way to gain freedom is to stop trying to gain freedom. The narrator sought freedom from her life. She sought freedom from the depression that consumed her and from the thoughts that drowned her mind. The only way to gain that freedom was by ending her life. And by doing so, she set herself free.

We all desire freedom in some form or another.  Although we all do not travel the same paths, we all are on the same journey. I relate to Gilman’s character in more ways than one. Not only do I understand her mindset and her logic behind her ultimate demise, but I too think some of the same thoughts. In a world that is constantly evolving, it becomes difficult to remain content with how things are. People can have zillions of dollars in their bank account and be miserable. Yet, some can live in a box and be the happiest people to walk the green hills. I struggle with the idea of being satisfied with who I am. I believe that every day I should strive to be better than the person I was yesterday. However, because I am human, I have faults. My mind is a constant Ferris wheel of ideas that continuously spin and never become solved. The question “what if?” is permanently rooted into my brain. At times, I find it difficult to be content with what I have accomplished and what my life consists of thus far. My thoughts consume me. There is no such thing as “analyzing” anymore because over-analyzing is my native language. However, these ideas that I struggle with, I have struggled with my entire life. These ideas that I struggle with do not cease. And, just like the narrator in “The Yellow Wallpaper”, I seek freedom from my thoughts. I seek freedom from my lifestyle. I seek freedom from my anxiety. But the road I am on has not led me to an answer. Little pieces of wallpaper shed glimpses of light on me to give me hope, but none have given me freedom. Regardless though, like the rest of us, I will continue my battle for the freedom I believe in until I am able to set myself free.

Freedom is not easily gained. Ships may sink, races may be killed by the millions, and homosexuals may always be persecuted, but we as humans will never stop fighting. The narrator in Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper” sought freedom and ultimately gained it. Although her way unique, we all will travel our own road in hopes to set ourselves free.